can't sleep

most of us cannot sleep when


we are trying to fall in love...


and just the same


when that love is starting to end

malanding hampas lupa

Ang tubig,
lalabo pag may halong lupa




ganon din ang pag-ibig




lalabo pag may humalong
malanding hampas lupa

Hindi lahat ng taong lumalayo sayo ay NASASAKTAN

Hindi lahat ng taong lumalayo sayo ay NASASAKTAN.


Minsan...


UUTOT lang..


hahaha!

CALL ME MAYBE

sa tono ng CALL ME MAYBE..

kumanta ang holdaper,
"Hey this is holdap! and this is badly! put out your wallet! and give your money!"

kumanta rin ang biktima niya na si lola,
"Hey, big holdaper! I  don't have money! Now here's my body! So, rape me, baby!!!"

MAHAL MO

kung may
MAHAL KA


IPAGLAABAN mo..

pero kung
dalawa ang
MAHAL MO


PAGLABANIN mo

advantage at diasdvantage ng may asawa

ADVANTAGE ng may asawa:
-[ag kailangan mo, nanjan aagad

DISADVANTAGE
-kahit di mo na kailangan,nanjan parin

nasa dugo ang pagiging gwapo

Boy: Nasa dugo talaga namin ang pagiging gwapo..

Girl: Pambihira naman! Bakit 'di napunta sa mukha, bakit sa dugo lang?

Always keep your condoms in the car

Always Avoid Temptations

I was a happy man. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year and now we had decided to get married. The planning went wonderfully. Both sets of parents helped us in every way. My friends were all happy for me and my girlfriend - she was a dream! There was only one thing deeply bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was really vivacious, only twenty years old and drop-dead gorgeous.

One day, the sister-in-law to be, called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that it was not long to the wedding day, that she had strong desires for me that she couldn't and didn't really want to overcome! She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it, just come up and get me."

I was stunned, frozen in shock as I watched her wiggle her way up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door, stepped out and walked straight towards my car.

Standing on the front path was my future father-in-law. With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and said, "Well done! Wonderful! We are so happy that you have passed our little test of temptation. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"

The moral of this story is....

Always keep your condoms in the car. Lol

SAFE ba yan?

Ang mga gwapong lalake ay parang BRAND X ng Paracetamol...


gwapo nga, eh ang tanong....



SAFE ba yan? :))

pare-pareho lang sila

Love starts with..


"Iba siya sa mga nakilala ko."


and ends with...


"Pare-pareho lang sila."

don't break anybody's heart

don't break anybody's heart,
they have only one.

break their bones,
they have 206.

Ang pag-ibig parang exam

Ang pag-ibig parang exam.
di ka malilito kung talagang alam mo yung sagot sa mga tanong.
lalo na kung nagkamali ka na noon.

KALANDIAN

kung may SUBJECT na kalandian..

tiyak mawiwindang ang DepEd sa dami ng VALEDICTORIAN.

SUSI ka ba?

Boy: Miss, susi ka ba?

Girl: Ang kulit! bakit?

Boy: Pwede ka bang maKEYS?

KALIWA at KANAN

kaya pala may KALIWA at KANAN..

para LEFT the person that hurts you..

and find the RIGHT person that will love you. :))

ang LOVE parang pag-kain ng BANGUS

Ang LOVE
parang pagkain ng BANGUS,
daming SAGABAL!

LOVE

one day, the BF gave a gold ring to his GF as a gift.

BF: I bought this ring because of the 4-letter word.

GF: LOVE?

BF: hindi ah.. "S A L E"

being MAGALA is CUTE

Being MAGALA id natural to us,
kasi mga CUTE tayo!

So when someone tell you...
"Hoy! Grabe ka kung gumala!"

Just turn your back and say,
ÄFFECTED ka? Ikaw ba naman regaluhan ng ganitong itsura hindi mo IRARAMPA?"

Ang iyong kagandahan ay parang password mo

Ang iyong kagandahan ay parang password mo lang yan dahil ikaw lang ang nakakaalam! :p

unconditional love

Unconditional love means loving the person exactly as they ARE, exactly as they were BEFORE and exactly as they will be in the FUTURE
...because people change all the time, so if you love the person, you will love them even if they become something you disagree with..

pinakamasarap na kape

Alam mo ang pinakamasarap na kape?



Ang KAPE-ling ka

forever I will stay loving you

1 + 1 = two eyes looking at YOU


12 + 12 = twenty four hours thinking of YOU


3 + 4 = seven days in a week missing YOU


11 + 1 = twelve months I always need a person like YOU


2 + 2 = four ever I will stay loving YOU

music & lyrics

When you're happy, you enjoy the music.
But when you're sad,
you understand the lyrics.

Hi-Five

Death: Take my hand.

Person: NO! I know that if I touch you, I'll die!

Death: Wow! Ang talino mo naman! Hi-five nga!

Person: Ako pa! Apir! (PATAY)

Lesson: Satan will use all his tactics to fool us. So be WISE!

parang Lapis ang BUHAY ko pag wala ka

pag wala ka



ang buhay ko parang LAPIS
na hindi pa natatasahan



POINTLESS

ang LOVE ay parang GUBAT

ang LOVE ay parang GUBAT



imposibleng walang AHAS

Thank You, Nurse!

Nurses are being scorned for being late with medicines, and yet they are holding their bladder because they don't have time to use the restroom, and starving because they missed their lunch or dinner. They're being peed on, puked on, pooped on, bled on, bitten, hit, yelled at and are missing their families while taking care of yours. They may even be crying for you. The time you read this, Nurses all over the world is saving lives.

Give thanks to all the Nurses!

IRAMPA ang ITSURA

Being MAGALA is natural to us,
kasi mga CUTE tayo!

So when someone tell you...

"Hoy! Grabe ka kung gumala"

Just turn your back and say,
"AFFFECTED ka? Ikaw ba naman regaluhan ng ganitong itsura hindi mo IRARAMPA?"

LADIES FIRST

Long ago, a couple were madly in love with each other.

They wanted to marry but both their parents didn't approve.
So they decided to commit suicide together and planned to jump from a cliff.
The man could not bear to see his sweetheart die.
So he convinced her that h will jump first and he did.
But the girl never jumped.
That is why thereafter all, men decided on:

"LADIES FIRST"

LAKAS TAMA

Karamihan sa mga babae ngayon..


hindi kasing husay magluto ng nanay nila.


Pero kasing lakas uminom ng tatay nila! :))

SALOT

kahit wala kang KAGANDAHAN...


basta meron kang taglay na sobrang KALANDIAN..


pasok ka sa LIPUNAN!

SALOT nga lang. :p

NEWTON'S 4TH LAW

NEWTON'S 4TH LAW:

The last drop of male urine does not obey the law of gravity...

unless..

SHAKEN! :))

LASHENG

2 AMIGA NAGLALASING:

pag-uwi natatae sila at sa sementeryo inabutan.

Ang una ginamt ang panty tsaka tinapon.
Yung pangalawa, nakakita ng boquet sa puntod at ginawang pamunas.

Kinabukasan, sabi ng mga asawa nila..
PEDRO: Kapatid, bantayan natin mga misis natin. Misis ko umuwi kagabi walang panty!

JUAN: Mas grabe Misis ko kapatid. Merong card nakadikit sa puwet na may nakasulat, "We'll never forget you."

MATIGOK na ang MANLOLOKO!

hindi lahat ng MANLOLOKO dapat MAKARMA.

yung iba, dapat MATIGOK na! :))

IKAW lang ang KINALOLOKOHAN ko

maaaring puro kalokohan lang ang nalalaman ko

pero sana naman

maniwala kang

ikaw lang..

ang kinalolokohan ko. :))

pedicab ka ba?

pedicab ka ba?



PEDICABa maka-date sa Valentines?

wag idepende ang sarili sa kahit kanino

ïsa sa mga bagay na natutunan ko..

wag mong idepende ang sarili mo sa kahit kanino..

dahil kahil sarili mong anino,
iiwan ka pag madilim na paligid mo.

Doctors-brain; Nurses-heart

Doctors are the brain of the hospital while Nurses are its heart.
When the brain fails, the heart seems to compensate the damage.
But when the heart fails, no other organ in the body can ever manage.

Nurse & Igorot

igorot: Nurse, please bring me a hot water bag. my toes are cold as ice.

Nurse: (insulted) you're asking the wrong Nurse. I am the Head Nurse.

Igorot: ibaon mo man garud diay foot Nurse. Nakauy-uyong ka laketdin, ammok garud nga para ulo ka?!

hahahaha!!

money cycle: bading, lalaki, bebae

BADING bigay pera sa LALAKI

LALAKIgastos sa BABAE

BABAE nagparebond bayad sa bading!

Yan ang tinatawag na return of investment!

lahat ng nahuhulog, nababasag

lahat ng nahuhulog,
nababasag

subukan mong mahulog sa taong mahal ko,
basag yang mukha mo!

Ang sarap sigurong panghiod ng puso mo

Ang sarap sigurong panghiod ng puso mo



BATO eh!

BASAG ang BOSES!

girl: (kumakanta)

boy: alam mo, yung ganyang boses mahirap pulutin!

girl: (natuwa) bakit naman?

boy: BASAG kasi..


hahahaha!!!

ROMANTIC

gusto ko kapag mag-iibigan tayo,
sa ilalim ng kabute


para MUSHROOMantic!

magMEMENS din yun!

noon klapag nakatunganga ang lalake at may iniisip,

ang payo ng mga barkada:
huwag kang mag-alala pare, mahal ka din nun.

ngayon, kapag ang lalake ang nakatunganga at may iniisip,

ang payo ng mga barkada: huwag ka mag-alala pare, magMEMENS din yun!

NAHUHULOG na ako sa IBA

GF: mahal, hatakin mo naman ako

BF: anong banat na naman yan?

GF: nahuhulog na kasi ako sa iba. :(

SARAP na HAHANAP-HANAPIN

"huwag kang titikim ng masarap,
para di ka maghanap."


"at huwag mo ssarapan ang pagpapatikim,
para hindi ka hanap-hanapin."

true love

Di mo naman kailangan libutin ang mundo para lang mahanap ang true love mo.

May address naman ako.

Gusto mo bigay ko na sayo? hahaha!

CLOSE ba TAYO?

bago mo sabihing SUPLADA ako



pakitanong naman sa sarili mo kung
CLOSE ba TAYO

sana magkasunod tayo sa pila

sana magkasunod tayo sa pila.

para pag tinawag tayo at di mo narinig,

ikaw mismo ang magtatanong..

TAYO NA BA?

sana ang LOVE parang KALSADA

sana ang love
parang kalsada na lang

para kung sino man ang gumitna,
MAMAMATAY!

only 3.5 inches is enough to satisfy a woman's desire

FACT: only 3.5 inches is enough to satisfy a woman's desire.

That's the length of a CREDIT CARD.

But that one you're thinking is also interesting.

sino ang dapat MAS magmahal?

Apo: Lolo, sino po ba dapat ang mas nagmamahal sa isang relasyon, LALAKI o BABAE?

Lolo: Simple lang 'yan apo. Ikaw tatanungin ko. Para makalipad ba ang ibon, anong pakpak ba ang dapat niyang gamitin, KANAN o KALIWA?

NAGSESELOS AKO

NAGSESELOS AKO



biglang humarang ang salitang



HINDI PALA TAYO

PBB TEENS

Jose Rizal was 16 years old when he met his first love Segunda Katigbak, 14 years old.

This means that Rizal is also..

PBB TEENS???

MAGNUM

pulubi: ale ale! palimos po, pambili lang ng ice cream.

ale: (naawa) oh, eto 5 pesos.

pulubi: halla patawa.. 50 pesos po kaya yung MAGNUM

hahaahha!

ang PAGMAMAHAL ko sayo ay parang PANGALAN KO

Ang pagmamahal ko saýo ay ihahalintulad ko sa pangalan ko.

Bukod sa hindi ko kayang kalimutan,
dala ko hanggang kamatayan

PEDRO & JUAN

PEDRO: Yuck! Di ka ba nahihiya? Damit mo binili mo lang sa ukay-ukay!

JUAN: Hindi! Kesa naman sa tsinelas m,o, bigay ng RATED K!

ang love, parang buhol-buhol na SINULID

ang love, parang buhol-buhol na SINULID.

kapag hindi mo na kayang ayusin...

DAPAT MO NANG PUTULIN.

PAGSESELOS

ang PAGSESELOS, nilulugar yan

minsan selos ka ng selos,
KAIBIGAN lang naman yun.

minsan naman,
selos ka ng selos,
KAIBIGAN ka lang naman niya.

color coding of rose

color coding of rose:

pag binigyan ka this valentine:

red or orange - you wanna love that someone for the rest of your life. you really love that person

white - pure love, pure interest with a person

yellow - offering friendship to a person

black - end up the relationship

lavender - cute lang, smooth.

different colors - you don't know what you really want to a person. for short, magulo ka

ang relasyon ay parang DALAWANG ILAW SA KOTSE

ang relasyon ay parang DALAWANG ILAW SA KOTSE


kailangan parehas gumagana,
kasi pag isa lang gumagana
aakalain mg kasalubong mo


SINGLE ka.

picture na lang ang syotain mo

kung mukha lang naman ang titingnan mo sa isang taong mamahalin mo


bat di na lang picture ang syotain mo?


malay mo magtagal pa kayo!

para kang BATA

para kang BATA


lagi ka na lang kasing


naglalaro sa isipan ko eh!:)

ang MANLOLOKO parang LAMOK

ang MANLOLOKO parang LAMOK
kung kani-kanino DUMADAPO

nananakit na nga
nag-iiwan pa ng MARKA!

one GUY, one MAN

one guy can make you hate all the guys

but

one man can teach you that not all guys are the same.

tay, paki SWING naman oh!

may isang bata na sobrang kulit kahit aong gawin ng ama ayaw tumino.
sa sobrang galit ng ama, ipinasok sa sako ang bata at ibinitin.



BATA: tay!

AMA: ano? (naaawa sa anak)

BATA: taaayyyy!

AMA: (lumapit sa sakong nakabitin) Ano? Magbabago ka na?

BATA: tay, paki SWING naman oh!

pedro at kamatayan

isang araw pinuntahan ni kamatayan si Pedro



KAMATAYAN: Pedro, kukunin na kita

PEDRO: wag na po muna ngayon. marami pa akong gagawin

KAMATAYAN: di pwede yun, IKAW ang una nakalista sa listahan ng kamatayan

PEDRO: o sige po, pero tatapusin ko muna ito. pagtimpla muna kita ng kape. magkape ka muna.

(nilagyan ng pampatulog ni Pedro ang kape. nakatulog  ang kamatayan. binura ni Pedro ang pangalan niya sa unahan ng listahan at nilagay sa pinakahuli.

KAMATAYAN: ohh, napasarap ang tulog ko kaibigan. dahil sa mabuting pakikitungo mo sa akin, magsisimula ako sa pinakahuli.



HINIMATAY SI PEDRO!!!

FAVORITE POSITION

GF: hey babe! what's your favorite position?

BF: it's when I get down on my knees and ask you to marry me. :)

Pastor at Barbero

may isang pastor na nagpapagupit sa Barbero



BARBERO: pastor, di ako naniniwalang may Diyos.

PASTOR: bakit nama?

B: kasi tingin ka sa labas, daming tanong may problema. kung may Diyos eh di sana inayos na niya lahat ng problema

P: ganun? ako din. di naniniwala sa barbero.

B: ha? bakit naman?

P: kasi tingin ka sa labas. kung may barbero, bakit daming mahaba ang buhok?

B: hindi ko naman sila pwede gupitan kung ayaw nila.

P: ganun din si God, di nya maaayos ang buhay natin kung ayaw natin lumapit sa kanya

FUTURE PARTNER

wag kang malungkot kung laging palpal ang LOVELIFE mo,
kasi dahil yan sa panalangin ng FUTURE PARTNER mo.

ready to take its placce

never feel sad on losing anything in your life



because whenever a tree loses its leaf,



a new leaf is ready to take its place.

sana NURSE ka na lang

sana nurse ka na lang



para nasasabi ko sayo lahat ng nararamdaman ko.

ang MALANDI ay parang GRIPO

ang MALANDI aay parang GRIPO



hindi titigil



hangga't di PINAPATAY!!!

MASARAP ang SINGLE!

masarap maging single,



kaya kung single ka



congrats!!!


MASARAP KA!!!

wag mong isipin na THE BEST na ang syota mo!

hangga't nandito pa AKO sa mundo
.
.
.
.
wag mong isipin na THE BEST na ang syota mo!

mine is already eating bananas! :p

A 13 year old girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs.
She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mom calmly said: "That part where your hair have grown is called your monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair", the girl smiled.
At dinner, she told her 14 year old sister: My monkey has grown hair."
Her sister smiled and said: "That's nothing, mine is already eating bananas!"
The mom fainted

DRACULA DIED IN YEAR 2012

Year 1917:
Dracula used to drink virgin girl's blood.


In year 2012:
he died

because of HUNGER!

Prostitute and masturbation

Education is like hiring a prostitute:
It needs both money and work!

Success is like masturbation:
Only you and your hand can let you achieve it!

SISTEMANG TANGA

maraming lalaki ang magaling sa kama
pero takot maging ama

may mga babaeng pumapayag IKAMA
pero umiikay kapag naging INA

ito ang tinatawag na
SISTEMANG TANGA

kaya bago magpakama
alamin kung ano ang magiging resulta

kung maganda ba ang magiging bunga
hindi yung pero na lang buka diba?

MAMANAHIN ko

sa lahat ng pag-aari ng magulang mo,
pwede bang


IKAW NA LANG ANG MANAHIN KO?

RESPONSIBILIDAD ko yan!

huwag mong masyadong mahalin ang sarili mo


dahil


RESPONSIBILIDAD ko yan!

ang isang RELASYON, parang IVF

Ang isang RELASYON, parang IVF
.
.
.
.
Bakit?
.
.
.
.
Kasi ikaw ang MAIN LINE, pero minsan may SIDE DRIP
.
.
.
.
Akala mo ikaw na yung TO CONSUME, pero meron pa palang TO FOLLOW
.
.
.
.
Kayawag ka ng magpakatanga para i-KVO yan
.
.
.
.
i-DISCONTINUE mo na! bago kapa ma-RUN DRY!

STRAW ka ba?

STRAW ka ba?
.
.
.
.
BAKIT?
.
.
.
.
PLASTIK ka na nga, galing mo pa SUMIPSIP!

PHARMACY

magshishift na ata ako ng PHARMACY
.
.
.
.
PHARMACYguro kong akin na lang siya!

ang CRUSH parang KALABASA

ang CRUSH parang KALABASA,
nakakalinaw ng MATA
.
.
.
.
malayo pa lang, kitang-kita mo na!

OH MY GOD!!!

Nadulas si satanas.
sabi niya
.
.
.
.
OH MY GOD!!!

PUTOL ang RELASYON

pabili naman ng MATALAS NA GUNTING
.
.
.
.
yung nakakaputol ng isang relasyon!

WAGAS ang tawa!

bakit pag ang cellphone ang nahulog nag-papanic agad?
.
.
.
.
pero kung ang kaibigan ang nahulog kung makatawa WAGAS!

BURAHIN na ang FEELINGS

sana sinusulat na lang ang feelings
.
.
.
.
para madali na lang BURAHIN pag hindi na tama

FIRST & LAST love

HAPPY is the man who wins the first love of a woman
.
.
.
.
but HAPPIER is the woman who wins the last love of a man.

hirap maging GWAPO!

boy: hay naku! ang hirap talaga maging GWAPO!
.
.
.
.
girl: oo nga eh. buti hindi mo NARARANASAN! :p

AKIN KA. :)

pwede bang maging DIPLOMA kita?
.
.
.
.
Paranaman magkaroon ako ng katibyan na AKIN KA.:)

friendship law

Friendship has one law.
They said, never let your friends feel that they are alone
.
.
.
.
so
.
.
.
.
disturb them as much as you can! :p

pedro & Juan

Teacher: Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun.Now Pedro, what is next to Mercury?

Pedro: generic pharmacy siguro ma'am. 'di lang ako sure.

Teacher: Pilosopo! Sa planets hindi mga pharmacy. Ang answer Venus. Sige Juan, ano ang susunod sa Venus?

Juan: ka-simple, SHAMCEY TSUP TSUP! 25! PHILIPPINES!

KAKALIWA ka ba?

magandang pasahero: kuya, KAKALIWA ka ba?
.
.
.
.
driver: kung magiging tayo, siyempre HINDI

SLUTTY GIRL

A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf.

Everyone touches it but nobody wants it!

ang SEX parang BILLIARDS

Ang SEX,
parang BILLIARDS
.
.
.
.
IPASOK mo na ang LAHAT,
huwag lang yung PUTI!!!

UTANG

Kung ayaw mong kalimutan ka ng isang tao
.
.
.
.
UTANGAN mo!

BISYO

Dalawa lang bisyo ko:
PAGLALASING at PAGSUSUGAL
.
.
.
.
ang MALASING sa pagmamahal mo at ISUGAL ang lahat para sayo

substitute my X

Mahusay ka ba sa Algebra?
.
.
.
.
kasi, can you substitute my X without asking Y?

NAKAKAINIP

Lahat ba ng matagal nakaka-inip?
.
.
.
.
Paano kapag hinalikan kita ng matagal,
maiinip ka kaya?

MANHID na tao

isa sa pinakamalaking katangahan sa mundo
.
.
.
.
yung alam mong madaming may gudto sayo,
pero nagagawa mo paring maghintay,
sa isang napakaMANHID na tao

Juan & Pedro saving a preggy

Juan and Pedro were swimming at the beach when they saw a pregnant woman drowning.

They quickly pulled her to safety.

Juan starts to do CPR when he noticed Pedro take the woman's underwear off and put his mouth on her vagina.

Juan asked Pedro: What are you doing?

Pedro said: You save the mother and I'll save the child!

pet shop

in the pet shop scenario:

SUICIDE BOMBER: everyone has 1 minute to get out of the pet store!

TURTLE: alla! i hate you!

wala kayong pakialam kung mahal ko siya

wala kayong pakialam kung mahal ko siya!!!
.
.
.
.
siya nga walang pakialam eh, KAYO pa kaya?! :))

ang LOVE parang SIPON

ang LOVE parang SIPON
.
.
.
.
why do you keep on pulling him back to you
when it's better for you to let him/her go?
.
.
.
.
in TAGLOG,
bakit ayaw mo ISINGA kung mas giginhawaka kapag nawala siya? :)

di ako magsasawa sa KAMA

pag ikaw ang nakatuluyan ko
.
.
.
.
di ako magsasawa sa "KAMA"
.
.
.
.
"KAMA" mahal SAYO!

yung KULANGOT mo, nakalawit!!!

isang araw, sumakay ako sa isang jeep.
nagtataka ako kung bakit lahat sila nakatitig sa akin
kinakabahan ako, halos hindi na ako makahinga.
buti na lang may isang batang naglakas ng loob atsinabing
.
.
.
.
"kuya, yung kulangot mo nakalawit. Ang laki pamandin!"

pag sumama ka sa MATALINO, magiging MATLINO ka

.

.

.

.

pag sumama ka sa SUPLADO, magiging SUPLADO ka

.

.

.

.

try mong sumama sa AKIN at magiging AKIN ka. :D

YAMAN!

A letter from an Arab student to his Dad:

Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here. But Dad I'm a bit ashamed to arrive at my school with my pure gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and fellow students travel by train.

Your son,
Nasser

Reply of his Dad:

My dear loving son, $20M has just transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.

by the way, it's GARDO

boy: I just met the most incredible girl. Ga, this is for you
.
.
.
.
"inch by inch we're movin' closer."
.
.
.
.
girl: by the way, it's GARDO

mag PA-KWAN!

matamis man ang pakwan
.
.
.
.
mas matamis parin ang niligawan, niyakap, sinuyo at hinagkan
.
.
.
.
bago mag PA-KWAN

Siguro magaling kang mag CPR
.
.
.
.
kasi napatibok mo ulitang puso ko! :))

katabi ko si CRUSH

Kapag naging teacher na ako..
balang araw,
pagtatabihin ko ang mga estudyante ko
sa kani-kanilang mga crush.
para di na uso ang pag-aABSENT!

ang pag-ibig parang folley catheter

Ang pag-ibig parang folley catheter.

pag may resistance, wag ipilit.

baka masaktan lang. :)

away ni Pinya at ni Apple..

Apple: bat ka tingin ng tingin ng tingin ng tingin ng tingin ng tingin sa akin?

Pinya: eh bat ka namumula?

SUPERHERO

hindi pala ako pwedeng maging SUPERHERO
.
.
.
.
Bukod kasi sa IKAW ang KAHINAAN ko,
.
.
.
.
di pa ako makalipad kasi parati akong
.
.
.
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NAHUHULOG sayo.

JOHN MICHAEL

lahat utayo may kilalang JOHN MICHAEL
.
.
.
.
nanJOHN lang kapag
MICHAELangan. :))

ang LOVE parang SCHOOL

ang love parang school
.
.
.
.
sa una, magkasama kayo
.
.
.
.
sa huli, hiwalay na kayo

SO FREAKING BAD!

girl: anong masasabi mo sa face ko?

boy: naalala ko yung kantang billionaire.

girl: pang mayaman, ganun?

boy: nope. SO FREAKING BAD!


:))

PARA po!

pasahero: manong, para po sa tabi.

driver: may bababa ba?

pasahero: wala ho! tatalon na lang! nakakahiya naman, titigil pa kayo!

MASAYA parin kahit wala ka

SUMASAYA parin naman ako kahit wala k
.
.
.
.
SUMUSOBRA nga lang kapag andyan ka na. :)

tell a lie once
.
.
.
.
and all your truths become questionable.

PEDRO at G.R.O.

Si Pedro may nakasalubong na GRO.

PEDRO: Miss, magkano ang serbisyo mo?
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.
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GRO: 500 sa kama, 200 sa papag, at 100 sa damuhan.
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PEDRO: Eto 500.
.
.
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GRO: Wow! Mayaman! Kama ang napili.
.
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PEDRO: Mayaman ka diyan! Limang beses tayo sa damuhan!

kung gasolina ka at pamasahe ako
.
.
.
.
malamang ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit nagmamahal ako

AMAPALAYAin ang taong mahal mo

alam mo ba kung ano ang mapait sa pagmamahal?

"AMPALAYA"
.
.
.
.
AMPALAYAin ang taong mahal na mahal mo.

nice thought to ponder

people call an old man ugly.
no one knows he had a serious injury in the face fighting for our country in the war.

a 15 y/o girl holds hands with her 1 y/o baby.
people call her a slut,
no one knows she was raped at 13.

people call another man a fat pig.
no one knows he has a serious disease causing him to be overweight.

what's wrong with people is they easily judge others w/o even knowing them,
yet too blind to look for themselves.

as eminem once said,
"what you see from where you're sitting is probably 100% different.

binaba agad ang panty

roses are red,
violets are blue.
.
.
.
.
sinabihan ka lang ng I love you,
binaba mo agad panty mo

fake and real boyfriend

A fake boyfriend will put a lock on his phone

A real boyfriend will say
"hey baby, can you read that text for me?"

most romantic place in the world

where is the most romantic place in the world?

sunset at the beach?

candlelight restaurant?

movie date for two?


For me, noting beats the foot of the CROSS,
where the lover of my soul gave HIS life for a sinner like me.

mahal kita araw-araw

hindi ko alam kung kelan ang mahal na araw
.
.
.
.
basta ang alam ko, mahal kita araw-araw! :)

AIRPORT ka ba?

AIRPORT ka ba?
.
.
.
.
kasi kahit anong LIPAD ng isip ko
.
.
.
.
sayo parin lumalanding ang PUSO ko.

KAIBIGAN

"KAIBIGAN"

Sila yung...

- nambubulgar ng crush  mo

- nangunguha ng pagkain kahit di pa inaalok

- nagpapatawa ng wagas

- nanghahampas o nananakit dala ng emosyon

- di sinasakyan ang korny jokes mo, nilalait ka pa

- nagpapaingay sa tahimik mong buhay

- at higit sa lahat isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit kaya mong ngitian ang mga problema mo.

Ang pagmamahal ko sayo ay parang DOTA

Ang pagmamahal lko sayo

parang paglalaro ng DOTA
.
.
.
.
Ayoko ng may nanggugulo kaso seryoso ako.

TOOTH ka ba?

TOOTH ka ba?
.
.
.
.
kinigTOOTH mo kasi ang puso ko eh!

Pareho ng sagot si Juan at Pedro sa test

Teacher: Ipasa na ang test paper.

Juan: Yes maám

Teacher: Oh Pedro, bakit pareho kayo ng answer ni Juan?

Pedro: Syempre, pareho lang ang questions. Ano, tanga tangahan tayo dito maám?

SAYO ako BABAGSAK

kung naging subject ka
.
.
.
.
gusto ko ikaw yung pinakamahirap
.
.
.
.
para siguradong SAYO AKO BABAGSAK!

nangongopya si JUAN

(teacher nahuli si Juan na nangongopya)

teacher: ganyan ka na ba talaga kabobo Juan?

juan: ma'am, seeking help is not a sign of ignorance, it's an intellectual act that allows people to admit that some situations are not meant to be handled alone.:))

sana APOY na lang ako

sana APOY na lang ako..

hindi dahil sa HOT ako..

kundi dahil para automatic..

LUSAW lahat ng PLASTIK sa paligid ko! :))

bumanat si MAHAROT

banat ng isang maharot na korny

maharot: airport ka ba?

boy: bakit?

maharot: eroplano kasi ako na gustong maglandi..este, maglanding sayo.

si pangit at si maganda

sabi ng mga pangit na inaapi..

"what is the use of your beauty if your brain is empty?"

umepal naman ang magaganda

"what is the use of your knowledge if your face is damage?"

sumagot ang pangit

"knowledge can make money and money can fix damaged faces."

live life with GOD

Life is full of reasons to enjoy,
to suffer,
to fight, and
to give up.

but there's only one reason
why life is beautiful.
..it's when we live life with GOD.

looking for friends

we look for friends
..not because it's lonely watching movies alone.
..not because it's sad to eat meals on your own.
..not because it's nice to cuddle up with someone on rainy days.

we look for friends
because we want to be accepted.
..for the sloppy way we dress,
..for the messy way we eat,
..for bad hair days, and
..for the simplicity in us.

friendship is an act off acceptance.
that with all our imperfections, we are accepted and loved.

for dry skin

juan: lintik na sabin to! ayaw bumula!

pedro: pano bubula yan? hindi naman basa katawan mo, tanga!

juan: siyempre! for dry skin to!

heights of racism

heights of racism:

a little white kid goes and stands between 2 black kids

and says,

"look mommy, I made an OREO!"

it's more fun in the philippines

since we have already the "it's more fun in the philippines", maybe we can also -have some of these Philippines domestic tourism slogans:

-Boracay You Sexy Beach

-Haller, Baler!

-Bohol: Go To Hill

-Be Cool, Bicol

-Thank you, Camiguin!

-Hanap Mo Bay Maluwang? Halina Sa Laoag!

-Maliit Navotas, Lumalaki

-We Fly High In Capiz!

-Go Gaga In Naga!

-Kaibigan! Punta Na Sa Vigan!

-Virac, You Rock!

-Kamuning, Get Me!

-Better Leyte Than Never!

-Whee! Twai-Tawi

-Walang Aayaw Sa Apayao!

-Maraming Gig Sa Taguig!

-Bongga Ka Day Sa Norzagaray!

Isama na ang I wanna dance with Zambales, I wanna feel the heat with Zambales!

Eto pa, Batang Di solid, Batang di Liquid, Batangas!

Ang pamatay, He can, she can, you can, we all can, Bulacan

FOREVER is a lot more possible

maybe the reason why you have to stop loving a person is because fate chose both of you to be friends

where FOREVER is a lot more possible.

2 main things about friendship

Great friendship is about two main things:

first, is to find out the similarities

and 

second is to respect the differences.

NURSE

when you save a person's life, they call you a hero.
when you combine science with caring, they call you an expert.
when you share your compassion, they call you a friend.
when you do all three, they call you a NURSE.

BARKADA ang dahilan kung bakit wala kang LOVELIFE

Minsan ang mga baliw mong BARKADA ang dahilan kung bakit hindi mo namamalayang wala kang LOVELIFE.

for green minded persons only

2 kids were lying on bed under a blanket.

1st kid; i'm a boy, and you?

2nd kid: i don't know.

1st kid: wait! i'll check!

(he went under the blanket and said "you're a girl")

2nd kid: how did you know?

1st kid: 'coz my socks are blue and your's are pink! :))

wallet is like an onion

my wallet is like an onion..

everytime i open it,

i cry!!!

AWAN KARGA NA EH."

:))

wag iyakan ang nanloko sayo

huwag iyakan ang taong nang iwan at nanloko sayo.

hindi pa siya patay! wag excited! :p

BOY nagtext sa kanyang EX-GF

boy: hi!musta?
girl: ok lang, ikaw?
boy: ok lang din.ang lovelife natin jan?
girl: ok lang naman.
boy: kayo parin ng syota mong pangit?
girl: hindi na kaya, diba break na tayo?

ang HOT ko!!! :))

Kapag sinabihan ka na MAITIM ka, ito sabihin mo:

"ay sorry ha? sa sobrang HOT ko kasi, pati sarili ko TOASTED na."

durog si girl! :p

boy: Lamok ka ba?
girl: Bakit?
boy: kasi sinisipsip mo ang pagmamahal ko eh.
(bumawi si girl)
girl: Kanal ka ba?
boy: Bakit?
girl: Kasi tanga lang ang mahuhulog sayo
boy: Ah, ganun? Alam mo nanununtok ako ng maganda.
girl: Oh, sige! suntukin mo ko
boy: bat ko gagawin yun, maganda ka ba?

may nakiki-JUMPER ba?

dati ang lakas ng kuryenteng dumadaloy sa ating dalawa.

bakit ngayon ang hina na?

tanong ko lang..
may nakiki-JUMPER ba?

God is up to something

when you are down to nothing, God is up to something.
the faithful see the invisible, believe the incredible,
and then receive the impossible.

don't miss the CHANCE

Each morning is a CHANCE.
-CHANCE to enjoy life to its fullest
-CHANCE to correct our mistakes
-CHANCE to forgive
-CHANCE to ask forgiveness
-and a CHANCE to love and be loved.
Don't miss the CHANCE that you receive as you wake up each day and give thanks to GOD.

ang PAGMAMAHAL parang INUMAN

Ang PAGMAMAHAL parang INUMAN.
Kahit gaano ka kasaya,
magtatapos  parin ito sa salitang
"HINDI KO NA KAYA."

umayos ka nanay!

Nanay: Anak bumili ka nga ng asin sa kanto
Anak: Ayaw ko nga. Madilim na, takot na ako lumabas.
Nanay: Wag ka mag alala, kasama mo namanangel mo eh.
Anak: Eh di siya na lang utusan mo. Dalawa pa kami, para asin lang!
Nanay: Bastos na bata ito ah!
Anak: Ang bastos naka hubad.
Nanany: (hinimatay)
Anak: Yan ang bastos! Kinakausap mo tutulugan ka. Umayos ka nay! Baka hindi kita maatantya!

MOVING ON

MOVING ON doesn't mean you'l forget all the memories.
You still remember it but it doesn't affect you anymore.

MAGANDA ka? SAANG BANDA?

Bawasan ang KAARTEHAN kung hindi naman sagad ang KAGANDAHAN.
Madaling sabihin na MAGANDA KA.
Mahirap naman hanapin kung SAAN BANDA!

bf buhat si gf

boyfriend buhat si girlfriend

GF: ui
BF: po?
GF: pagod ka na?
BF: hindi ah. bakit?
GF: pagod ka na eh. baba mo na ako.
BF: (ngumiti) paano ako mapapagod eh buhat buhat ko yung lakas ko.

"if someone's strong enough to bring you down, you better show them you're strong enough to get up!"

hindi porket sweet, mahal ka

hindi lahat ng SWEET mahal ka..
tandaan:
Ang candy ay matamis pero nakabalot sa PLASTIC.

moving on is easy

"People don't really need reasons and explanation in order to move on. Because moving on is an easy thing 'IF' you start to accept everything."

stay positive

one thing I've learned from GOD:


Stay positive even if the whole place is being negative

BASTA MADE INCHINA HAN NGA BUMAYAG

An ilokano girl married a Chinese man...


they had a baby boy who eventually died..


At the burial, her aunt came crying, saying,


"kunak met gamin, BASTA MADE INCHINA HAN NGA BUMAYAG!"

pag-ibig

Ang pag-ibig minsan parang 1st degree AV Block.

Better late than never. :D

Ang true love ay pareho sa konsepto ng multo

"Ang true love ay pareho sa konsepto ng multo

marami ang naniniwala pero konti lang ang nakakakita."

Minsan kailangan mong makalimot para ikaw naman ang maalala

"Minsan kailangan mong makalimot para ikaw naman ang maalala.
Paano kapag hindi ka naalala?
Simple lang,
eh di wala kang halaga."

PILIPINO ka kung..

PILIPINO ka kung...


sinasabi mong PAALIS ka na..

kahit NAGBIBIHIS ka pa lang! :))

shoes and moon are like friends

Shoes never meet yet share the same size.

The moon and the sun couldn't be one yet crosses the same sky.

Same with friends who don't meet often but never stop being friends. :)

nakikipagbalikan

BOY: Pwede ba maging tayo ulit?

GIRL: maghintay ka ng tatlong araw

BOY: okay

(Pagkalipas ng tatlong araw)

BOY: Ano, pwede na ba?

GIRL: Tumingin ka sa langit.Ilan ang araw?

BOY: Isa

GIRL: Sabi ko tatlong araw diba?

hindi porket sweet, mahal ka

"Hindi porket sweet sa 'yo, MAHAL KA. Tandaan: Ang candy ay nababalutan ng PLASTIC!

LALAKENG parang TETRIS

mag ingat sa mga LALAKENG parang TETRIS.

patong lang ng patong hanggat makabuo

pag nakabuo na bigla bigla na lang MAWAWALA

isa kang HIPON pag patapon ang mukha pero panalo ang katawan

LOLLIPOP kung patapon ang katawan pero panalo ang mukha

kung patapon ang mukha at katawan mo at panalo ka naman sa utak, BULALO ka

Pero kung patapon na mukha, katawan at utak mo, maging BUKO ka na lang..malinis ang kalooban! :)

happy ending

"in ever ending, there's such a thing that we call HAPPY ENDING."

secret to real happiness

"The secret to real happiness is to ignore the negative voices in your head.
No matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better."

boy1and boy2

boy1: pre, ang cute naman ng GF mo

boy2: thanks! Pero wag ka ng umasa dahil akin na siya!

boy1: sows pre!kung asawa nga naaagaw, GF pa kaya?

boy2: sabagay, eh kung bulkan nga sumasabog, mukha mo pa kaya?