girl : crush kita!

boy : crush din kita! buti umamin ka na!

girl : may sasabihin ako sayo. 3 words!

boy : hmmm.. (i love you siguro)

girl : joke! joke! jooooke!!

extension ng puso ang tenga

ang tenga kapag pinagdikit korteng puso. extension ng puso ang tenga. kaya kapag marunong kang makinig, marunong kang magmahal.

kasalan issues

boy : papakasalan ko po ang anak ninyo.

nanay : bakit? kaya mo ba siyang buhayin?

boy : bakit? patay na po ba siya?

NOON at NGAYON

NOON
pag maganda ligawan mo agad..

NGAYON
pag maganda titigan mo muna, baka bakla..

NOON
konti lang ang lalaking gwapo..

NGAYON
konting gwapo na lang ang tunay na lalake..

NOON
pag gwapo, babaero..

NGAYON
pati mga pangit babarto na din, minsan choosy pa.. kapal ng mukha..

NOON
hintaying bumilog ang buwan bago magpakasal..

NGAYON
hintaying bumilog ang tiyan bago pakasalan..



yun lang sa ngayon, bukas marami pang magbabago..

ang relasyon ay parang pagpapapicture..

ang relasyon ay parang pagpapapicture..


bawal ang tatlo..


mamamatay ang isa..

para kang pangalan ko...

para kang pangalan ko..



pag nawala ka..



sino ako?

payabangan ng modern lolas

lola1 : sakit ng mata ko kalalaro ng dota!

lola2 : eh ako nga sakit ng katawan ko. hirap ng step namin! kramping!

lola3 : sya.. sya.. diyan muna kayo, gagamutin ko pa hita ko.

lola1 & lola2 : haha! bakit?

lola3: hazing kasi kanina. pumasok ako sa fraternity!


hahahaha! XD

Dear Wife, Dear Ex-Husband

Dear Wife, 

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life! —— 

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem...

a man is like a cat

a man is like a cat ;

chase him and he will run.

sit still and ignore him and he'll come purring at your feet.

love at first sight

i believe in love at first sight because i've been loving my mother since i opened my eyes. :)

lovelife ko?parang ikaw...

lovelife ko?

parang ikaw.. :(



parang ikaw na lang ang kulang! B-)

ethics are the cousins of ducks :))

TEACHER : class, what is ethics?

JUAN : sir, ethics are the cousins of ducks! what can you say sir?

TEACHER : very nice answer! that duck will lay an egg and that EGG will be your GRADE!

KASABWAT!!!

kahit gaano ka pa kasama,

may ilang tao parin na kaya kang tingnan sa mabuting paraan..

ang tawag sa kanila..


KASABWAT!!!

"LONG QUOTE"

"LOG QUOTE"

ito yung nararamdaman ko tuwing hindi kita nakikita at di kita kasama kaya eto ako ngayon..

ang LONQUOTE! :))

huwag kang magseryoso sa taong hindi naman interesado sa'yo

"huwag kang magseryoso sa taong hindi naman interesado sa'yo. para ka lang nagpagod na ma-perfect ang isang quiz na hindi naman recorded."

SINO ANG MAS MAHIRAP ANG SITWASYON?

SINO ANG MAS MAHIRAP ANG SITWASYON?

ang ngongo na pinapakanta sa harapan ng buong klase..

o ang mga kaklase niyang nakikinig sa kanya na ibabagsak daw ng teacher kapag tumatawa sila???

INDAY vs PULUBI

INDAY : off you go! under no circumstance this house would relent to such unabashed display of vagrant destitution!

PULUBI : oh! i'm so ashamed! such a mansion of social climbing freaks!

si JUAN, magpapatattoo!

JUAN : pare, lagyan mo nga ako ng tattoo!

PEDRO : bakit naman?

JUAN : napagkakamalan kasi akong bading eh!

PEDRO : sige, san mo gustong ilagay?

JUAN : Sa kilay pare, para magmukha akong MATARAY!

para kang NBA finals

para kang NBA finals..



kasi maDALLAS pa rin kita isipin kahit na MIAMI ka ng ipinalit sakin.

magsyotang ngongo na walang sawang nagsasabihan ng ILOVEYOU

BOY : alam niyo. alam niyo, alaaammm nyooo!

GIRL : alam nyo to. alam nyo to. alaaammm nyooo tooooo!



magsyotang ngongo na walang sawang nagsasabihan ng ILOVEYOU. :)

MAHAL mo lang talaga siya kaya ka masaya

kapag napapatawa ka ng isang tao ng maraming beses,

hindi siya magaling magpatawa..


MAHAL mo lang talaga siya kaya ka masaya. :)

a loveless life is like a fruitless tree

a loveless life is like a fruitless tree.

but a friendless life is like a rootless tree.

"a tree can live without fruits, but not without roots."

falling in love is like looking at the stars

"falling in love is like looking at the stars..

if you pick one out of the billions and stare at it long enough..

all the others just fade away.."

God doesn't always say YES in every prayer we ask for

God's plans are better than ours.

that's why God doesn't always say YES in every prayer we ask for.

sometimes He says,

"my child, allow me.. I HAVE A BETTER WAY."

3 dad's are talking about their sons (payabangan!)

this is a story of the most fortunate son;

3 dad's are talking about their sons:

D1 : my son is a banker. recently, he gave his friend $30,000.

D2 : my son is an Engineer. recently, he gave his friend a house and lot.

D3 : my son owns a jet company. recently, he gave his friend a jet.

(D4 came out from the CR and the 3 dads asked him about his son)

D4 : my son is a gay and a strip teaser.

D1,D2,D3 : oh, your son is unfortunate!

D4 : even if he's like that, i love him! in fact, during his birthday, he received $30,000, a house and lot and a jet from his suitors. :)))

pahingi naman kahit konting pagtingin

BOY : marami ka bang nakikita?

GIRL : bakit?

BOY : pahingi naman kahit konting pagtingin. :D

break-up

sa break-up laging sinasabi,

"tuldukan na natin to wala naman patutunguhan."

what of ayaw mo pang bumitiw?

pwede kaya sabihin na,

"kuwitan muna natin to, tuloy nalang natin pag mahal mo na ULIT ako."

"FRIENDSHIP" stays "FOREVER" but "LOVE" lasts till "ETERNITY"

SUBJECT : 2 girls nakabitin sa bangin with a boy extending his right hand to save either his gf or bff. the boy saved his bff but his gf fell down.

MESSAGE:
BFF : bakit ako

BOY : bestfriend kita eh.

BFF : masaya ka ba?

(a tear fell down from the boy's eye.)

BFF : anong gusto mong gawin ko?

BOY : itulak mo ako para may kasama siya.


LESSON : "FRIENDSHIP" stays "FOREVER" but "LOVE" lasts till "ETERNITY"

tayo na lang ang mag-on

sana naka-off na lang yung ilaw..


para tayo na lang ang mag-on! :D

Alzheimer's Test

How fast can you guess these words?
Time yourself!

1. F_ _ K

2. PU_S_

3. S_X

4. P_N_S

5. BOO_S

6. _ _ NDOM



ANSWERS:
1. FORK

2. PULSE

3. SIX

4. PANTS

5. BOOKS

6. RANDOM


How many correct answers you've got? :D

TAYO NA LANG PLEASE???

TAYO NA LANG PLEASE???


nakakapagod yung puro upo eh! :)))

para kang UBE sa halo-halo

BOY : alam mo, para kang UBE sa halo-halo.

GIRL : bakit? matamis ako magmahal?

BOY: hinde! ANG SARAP MO SA IBABAW!

ang panget mo!!! :p

BOY : miss, hulaan kita..pwede?

GIRL : oo ba!

BOY : single ka noh?

GIRL : (nag-bublush na pasagot) oo! pano mo nalaman?

BOY : ANG PANGET MO KAYA!!!

'u' and 'i' sounds good together

BOY : ui!

GIRL : ui na lang ba lagi mo itatawag sakin?

BOY : oo.

GIRL : bakit naman?

BOY : because "u" and "i" sounds good together.

two is better than one

aanhin pa ang katagang STICK TO ONE..


kung may bago namang TWO IS BETTER THAN ONE?!

tagapag-mana ng ari-arian

LOLA : apo, sayo ko na ipapamana lahat ng ari-arian ko dahil malapit na ako mamatay.. sayo na lahat apo. baboy, aso, kabayo at mga hacienda ko.

APO : salamat po lola. saan po ba yun?

LOLA : open mo FB account ko. nandun sa farmville ko.

hahaha!!

minsan mas tamang BUMITAW na lang

minsan mas tamang BUMITAW kapag alam mong hindi ka na pinapahalagahan..

malay mo sa pagbitaw mo..

mahulog ka sa tamang pwesto at masalo ng tamang tao.. :)

i love you!

BOY : i love you! please text back.


GIRL : back.


hahahaha!:)))

si LOLA, EMO na! :))

isang gabi habang nanonood g TV..

lumapit ang lola ko. itim ang damit. itim ang paligid ng mata. mukhang malungkot habang may hawak na kutsilyo.

"apo,

bagay ba sakin ang EMO?"

a huge wave of zombies is approaching! :)))

NANAY : wow anak! simula nang lumabas ka ng mental sumipag ka na. buti naman at nagtatanim ka na.eh bakit mo naman naisipan magtanim sa harap ng bahay natin?


ANAK : a huge wave of zombies is approaching! :)))

magaling magkunwari at magpaikot

"huwag mong itali ang sarili mo sa isang tao na hindi ka sigurado kung mahal at importante ka sa kanya..


sadyang may mga taong magaling magkunwari at magpaikot..


kasama ang pekeng effort.."

dilim ka ba?

BOY : miss, dilim ka ba?

GIRL : bakit?

BOY : wala na kasi akong ibang nakikita pag andyan ka.:)

ito ang mangyayari kapag hindi nagtino ang gobyerno

ENGINEERING : panday

EDUCATION : tambay

CRIMINOLOGY : tanod

PMA : rebelde

MEDICINE : albularyo

IT : bantay sa computer shop

BS MATH : scorer sa liga

FINE ARTS : pintor ng dingding

PSYCHOLOGY : manghuhula

TOURISM : driver

MASCOM : bugaw

NURSING : yaya

MIDWIFERY : abortionist

MEDTECH : drug pusher

HRM : waiter

at ang malupit...


ACCOUNTANCY : kubrador! :)))

banat sa malamig na pasko

Malamig ang gabi..




Kapag hindi ako ang katabi.. :))

ang sakit isiping friends lang tayo

LOLO : pwede ba kitang iremove sa friend list ko sa facebook?



LOLA : aww. bakit?



LOLO : ang sakit kasing isiping friends lang tayo :(

FREE TASTE

"Hindi dahil nakitman mo na.. SA'YO na..




Minsan may FREE TASTE lang talaga."

si Tatay, gumigiling!!!

Isang binata ang pumasok sa isang gay bar. Nalaman ng nanay niya at nagalit ito.

NANAY : Ano naman ang nakita mo roon na hindi mo dapat makita?

BINATA : Si Tatay po, gumigiling!

IQ TEST

7:25 am
A murder happened in the circular house of reyes family where the baby has been killed. the police asked everyone of them where they were when the crime was committed.

FATHER : I was just watching TV.

MOTHER : I was just cooking foods for our dinner.

SISTER : I was just reading books at a corner.

UNCLE : I was still sleeping.

YAYA : I was just preparing the milk for the baby.

two of them are the killers.
who are they?

Pedro and Juan

Pedro : mag iinternet ako. ioopen ko facebook account mo. haha!




Juan : weh, bakit? alam mo ba password ko?



Pedro : oo! bobo! nakita ko. anim na asteris! :p

bakit ka nagbabra? :p

Bata : ate kapag wala ka bang tenga maghihikaw ka ba?

Ate : syempre hinde!

Bata : Pag wala ka bang daliri magsisingsing ka ba?

Ate : Hindi din syempre!

Bata : Bakit ka nagbabra?

Ate : nak ka nang!!!

magkumare sa palengke (ilokano)

Oyang : ammum mare, nu makitkitak deta patatas, malaglagip ku jay kwa ni parem.

Tina : apay mare, kasta kadakkel na?

Oyang : Haan mare.. kasta kamureng na! :)))

eksena sa jeep (nursing, seaman at sira ulo)

EKSENA SA JEEP.

Girl: Manong bayad po..
Driver: Ilan tong 100?
Girl: 1 Kuya, estudyante, nursing sa Ateneo kakasakay lang.
Boy: (nayabangan, nagbayad ng 500) manong bayad.
Driver: (galit) Ilan tong 500?
Boy: 1 lang, seaman, kakarating lang.
Baliw: (tumawa, inabot ang 1000) Manong bayad.
Driver: (galit ng galit) Peste! Ilan tong 1000?
Baliw: 3, isama ang nurse at seaman, Keep the change, galing mental kalalabas lang.