vice ganda nagsshopping

Vice: miss, may size pa ba kayo neto?

saleslady: para sa inyo po ba ma'am?

vice: hinde, para sayo. pinagsshopping kita, hiya naman ako sayo eh!

(sa inis, umalis nalang..dumaan sa gas station)

boy: ma'am magpapagas po ba kayo?

vice: hinde, magpapaconfine ako.. gasoline station nga diba?!

(pumunta sa tindahan.. bumili ng rc)

vice: rc nga po, isa

tindera: ma'am ipaplastic po ba?

vice: ay hinde, itry mong isako tsaka mo lagyan ng straw!

(tuluyang nabadtrip..umuwi na lang)

vice: inday, iakyat mo nga mga gamit ko.. andun sa kotse

inday: sa taas po ma'am?

vice: hinde, sa baba.. iakyat nga diba? try mo ngang umakyat sa baba!! :))

pampalaglag :'(

guys! help naman oh! sino may alam ng pampalaglag? :'(
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ang lakas kasi ng kapit niya sa PUSO ko eh. :))

bente lang! :))

pasyente: magkano po pa-face lift?

Doc: mga 145k

pasyente: meron po bang mas mura? yung makakapagpabata sa akin itsura?

Doc: eto po tsupon, bente lang! :)))

PLANKING!!! :))

kapag nadapa ka..
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sumigaw ka ng "PLANKING!!!" :))

LANGGAM! :)))

huhuhu pray for us. Grabe baha! lampas ulo! pumasok na yung tubig sa bahay namin. some relatives are missing.  umakyat kami ngayon dito sa mga puno para di maabutan ng baha..
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LANGGAM! :)))

ANG SARAP NG FEELING KO!

hindi ka naman REBISCO..
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pero bakit pagdatng sayo..
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ANG SARAP NG FEELING KO!

BREAK NA NGA KASI TAYO!

G: i need space
B: (umusod ng onti) o yan space
G: i mean maghiwalay na tayo
B: o sige, jan ka dumaan sa kaliwa dito ako sa kanan
G: ano ba?!
B: anong ano ba?!
G: ayaw sayo ng mama ko!
B: mas lalo naman ako! di ako pumapatol sa matanda no. kaw talga hon, loko! :D
G: BREAK NA NGA KASI TAYO!
B: o eto skyflakes, ikagat mo ang break mo.
G: leche! wag na nga lang!

look-a-like

brocolli: i look like a tree.

mushroom: i look like an umbrella.

walnut: i look like a brain.

banana: change topic.

Walk by Faith

God has a perfect plan for our lives; He never does it all at once, just step by step because He wants to teach us to 'WALK BY FAITH not by sight'.

INNER ROW

INNER ROW.
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yun bang bago mag-pebrerow.
marsow.
abril.
mayow.
hunyow.
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thats INNER ROW! :)))

tape recorder

boy: wow! miss ang ganda mo naman kumanta. pwede ipa-tape mo yan?
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girl: ha? ipa-tape recorder ko?
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boy: hindi! itape mo yang bibig mo!

identify what we lost and what we took for granted

Mistakes makes us identify what we lost and what we took for granted. They make us realize that sometimes there's no such thing as..
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Later,
Next time,
And second chance.

being nice with the people you like and you hate

It's easy to be nice with the people you like.
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but being nice to the people you hate,
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that's a SKILL

friendship is the best relationship and the best example of love

If you encounter so much pain because of the person you loved the most, you will learn to love your friends so much and discover the reality that friendship is the best relationship and the best example of love.

ang love parang computer virus

ang love parang computer virus..
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sinisira lahat ng pinaghihirapan mo.

science trivia

did you know that GRAVITY is stronger at morning?
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it is proven in the fact that...
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ANG HIRAP BUMANGON

ang love parang bill ng kuryente

Ang love parang bill ng kuryente..
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ang daming hidden charges..
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ang hirap labanan!

lagundi? o malandi?

Ano bang masarap pakuluan?
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Yung lagundi o yung malandi?
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Tingin ko yung malandi..
para tanggal kati!
hahahaha

mag-shota nagddate sa park

gf: (natawa ng makitang may malunggay ang ngipin ng bf)

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bf: bakit?

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gf: hulaan ko kung ano ulam niyo kanina!

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bf: sige na! ano?

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gf: malunggay, tama? haha!

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bf: haha! mali! kahapon pa yun hon. kaw talga, pa-kiss nga!

konting common sense naman diyan!

boy: nay, may ulam ba?
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nanay: tignan mo na lang jan sa ref anak.
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boy: eh wala naman tayong ref diba?
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nanay: oh eh di wala tayong ulam. konting common sense naman diyan anak!

wound inside my heart

If you were a wound inside my heart, I'd rather leave it there with all the pain locked inside than leave it without a trace of you.

3 BEST WORDS IN THE MORNING

1. Thank you Lord.
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2. Forgive me Lord.
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3. Bless me Lord today!

BREAK na tayo!

bf : break na tayo!
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gf : (maluha-luha) bakit?
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bf : wala lang. break na tayo.
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gf : (sinampal si bf)
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bf : bakit mo ako sinampal?
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gf : bakit? nagtatanong ka pa? (sinampal ulit si bf)
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bf : ano ba problema mo? niyayaya lang naman kita magbreak kasi nagugutom  na ako!!! dadating na si maám!

ano ang SEX?

juan : tay, ano ang SEX?

tatay : sa tgalog, ang SEX ay ang pakikipagtalik. isang sagradong gawain matapos ikasal, magtatabi sa kama at magmamahalan na aabot sa sukdulang kaligayahan na magbibigay ng buhay sa isang nilalang tulad mo..

juan : ang haba naman tay. di kasya sa bio-data.

:))

dahilan ng pagsakit ng leeg ni GMA

Sa mga hindi nakakaalam kung ano ang dahilan ng pagsakit ng leeg ni GMA..



subukan niyo kayang buong buhay niyo, lahat ng kinakausap mo mas matangkad sa iyo..:)))

halaga ng PISO

malalaman mong mahalaga ang PISO

kapag kulang ang PAMASAHE mo! :))

the amazing moments in life

1. coming home late and going straight to bed.
2. buying amazing clothes that you found on sale.
3. holding hands.
4. unexpected moments that become your favorite memories.
5. talking on the phone until five in the morning.
6. resting on someones chest.
7. taking long showers that wash away your worries.
8. feeling as though you finally belong somewhere.
9. deciding what you want to do with your life.
10. feeling satisfied after a delicious meal.
11. falling asleep instantly when you're upset.
12. meeting people that happen to change your life.
13. when you have a great night of sleep.
14. drinking a cup of tea.
15. realizing everything is going to be okay.

baby girl

Boy : Hey baby girl. Sorry i didn't text you. I've been so busy.

Girl : There's 10,080 minutes in a week and you couldn't use one to text me?

Boy : I haven't had my phone love.

Girl : Your fb status was updated from mobile.

Boy : Fuck

Girl : You.

the worst moments in life

1. Not getting a text back.
2. ''I'm fine.''
3. Cancelled plans.
4. Having a great day, only to have it ruined by someone.
5. Burning your taste buds.
6. Feeling sick and tired.
7. "I'm sorry, what's your name again?"
8. Not getting enough sleep.
9. Turning a radio station to the end of a good song.
10. Being ignored by people you cared about,
11. Feeling alone in a room full of people.
12. Failing in a test you studied so hard for.
13. Crying yourself to sleep.
14. Not being missed.
15. Being replaced.

girlfriend

Boy : Hey, it's over.

Girl : WTF?!?! Why?! After all I did to you , this is how you do me you ungrateful jackass!
....it's ok.. that's why I slept with 3 of your friends , you prick ass!

Boy : I was talking about the movie.

Girl : Oh.. How was it?

Boy : Fuck you bitch!

a nurse's advise

if you have this feeling
that your partner is
into somebody else...

BREAK UP!


or you'll have to endure
an unsterile relationship.

Remember the rule of sterility.

if you're in doubt,
THROW IT OUT!

confession

boy: can i confess something?

girl: sure!

boy: your smile is the prettiest smile i've ever seen.

girl: can i confess as well?

boy: oh sure!

girl: this smile only exists when i'm with you. :)

kiss in public

Girl : If you would have the chance to choose a place where you can kiss me publicly, where would it be?

Boy : In CHURCH.

Girl : Huh?

Boy: At our wedding.

you look so. . .

you look so...



when you're playing jumping rope..


diba?


you look so . . . taas pa nga ng look so mo eh! :))

banat ng laitera

ala ako sa mood manlait ngayon,
kaya please lang..


ibulsa mo muna mukha mo.



---hahahah!! :))

taob ang lalake! :p

boy: magnanakaw ka ba?

girl: ako? gusto mo sampal?

boy: ninakaw mo kasi puso ko.

girl: mais ka ba?

boy: bakit?

girl: ang korny mo kasi!

tama raw na ibigin kita

boy : miss, FEU ka ba?

girl : bakit?

boy : TAMA raw na ibigin kita.

para kang centrum...

para kang centrum



...you make my life complete. :)

para kang HIGH NOTE

Boy : miss, para kang HIGH NOTE.

Miss : Bakit naman?

Boy : pangarap ko kasing maabot ka.


cheesssyy much! :))

si lola bumabanat!

APO : lola, aattend ako ng tipar.

LOLA : anong tipar?

APO : tipar is party.

LOLA : puro salitang kalye! mga PS kayong lahat!

APO : anong PS lola?

LOLA : Paking shet!

bakla ampota!

SEXY : maawa ka! meron ako! meron ako!

RAPIST: walang meron meron sakin! titikman kita!

SEXY : wag! ayy!!!

RAPIST : yaaaak!!! meron ka nga! meron ka ngang itlog! bakla!

3 tanga nagsisiksikan sa isang maliit na kama

TANGA 1: pare, hindi tayo kasya. bawas tayo isa. sa lapag na lang matutulog.


[bumaba ang isa]


TANGA 2: ayan pare, maluwang na, akyat ka na dito!

banat

let me tie your shoes..




so you won't fall for someone else.. :)

3 vampires having dinner. (dugyot! :p )

3 vampires having dinner. 




MAYAMAN: Fresh blood pls. 




MIDDLE CLASS: Dinuguan nga. 




MAHIRAP: Tubig na lang, may napulot kc akong napkin. Magtsatsaa na lang ako.

joke time sa FX! :))

Nung 1 gabi sumakay ako sa FX. Nagtataka ako kung bakit lahat sila nakatingin skin. Ayaw nila kumibo, nkatitig lng sila skin. May 1 naglakas loob at sinabi. "Iha inarkila namin to."

old times are just meant to be reminisced

no matter how hard you try to bring back the old times, at the end of the day, you'll realize that OLD TIMES are just meant to be REMINISCED.

O.R. (operating room) FRIENDSHIP

i'll be your towel clip:
hold you tight when you feel like you're giving up.

i'll be your sponge:
wipe up your tears.

be your pick-up forcep:
pick you up when you're down

i'll be your retractor:
open up your mind when you're confused.

i'll be your chromic 3.0:
saw you up when you turn into pieces.

i'll be your bovie tip:
cauterize and cut you when you do wrongful act.

Above all,
i'll be your scrub nurse:
scrub out those people who hurts you.

Keep sterile. =)